Ramblings of an Insecure Mind

standard September 30, 2013 Leave a response

I don’t know if I’ll ever get better, honestly.

My new medication is helping a bit, but I can’t seem to find the right combo that helps/doesn’t make me gain weight/have bad side effects. Some drugs make me angry, some make me fall asleep while driving, while others make me triply.

I want things to get better, I really do. I don’t want to be depressed for the rest of my life, I don’t want to sit here, wondering when it’s all going to end. I want to experience life, happiness, joy. I want to see the world and all its wonder, not four walls and a cat.

I’ve been reading up on Toastmasters, and wanting to go so I can improve myself, I’m just scared. I’m scared of new people, scared of new places, scared of public speaking. I know some people who go, and they say it has really helped them, so here goes nothing.

I try to hide when I’m depressed, mask it with a quick smile and a joke. Very few people know when I’m down, and for those people that do, I’m sorry. I know it’s a lot to deal with, the constant negativity, the complaints, the moodiness and rambling. I appreciate your friendship, and your words of comfort. I wish there was some way I could repay you.

Unless you’d let me bake you a lot of cookies? I love baking cookies. And eating them.

But seriously, thank you. I wouldn’t be here today if I didn’t have friends like you, friends who listened, friends who cared. Please know that I’m here for you, just as you are here for me. I might not show it, but I am. Come hell or high water, I will do whatever I can for you.

Header image // Kristin Bradley

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