Wanted: Home for Table

standard August 19, 2015 Leave a response

Sometime last year, I decided that my black pub top table needed to go, so I wrote a farewell/for sale ad on Craigslist:

Dear table,

We’ve had a great time together, really. Cross-country moves, dinner with friends, crafts, we’ve seen it all. Alas, it was not to be. The other furniture has made it clear that they want you to go, that you don’t fit in with them, look like they do.

You’re a great table, solid base, real wood, sturdy, classic, you disassemble easily. My dear table, you do have your flaws, most notably, some craft paint I accidentally splattered on you, but it only adds charm. You are in perfect condition otherwise.

I hope we can find you a new home, someone who will love you as much as I do. When you go, remember me fondly.

Always yours,
The crafty chick

P.S.: If you want to stay in touch, please text or email me. You know I hate phone calls. And you can’t take the cat.
P.P.S: Your price is negotiable, sorry!

Had some responses, some people just saying they liked it, other people flaking out on me, you know, the usual, then I sold it to a coworker. The next day, before I had a chance to take down the posting, the following appeared in my inbox:

Dear Table-

We are moving and you would look great in our school room though usef infrequently as everyone prefers the couch unless doing math. You will learn algebra and maybe see a science experiment or two. Not so romantic but inspiring young minds is a noble lot in life. Would you consider $50 plus a lb of fresh roasted coffee to make the transition?

Awaiting your response,

Stools missing a table.

And the last installment:

Dear stools,

If I had my way, I would be rolling to your house right now! Unfortunately the crafty chick *just* found me a new home (also with kids!).

I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you, you sound like my type of chairs!

I hope you find your Mr. Right Table soon!

All the best,

Table

PS: I drew you a self-portrait!

PPS: Coffee!

6E02123B-3539-4F84-B911-2E61AD2463C6Header image // Gerard Stolk

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